How To Heal From Grief
Pain is a bitter pill to swallow. Hence, why we shouldn't carry the past with us on our shoulders into the present. It weighs us down and keeps us from moving forward into that beautiful new phase of life that awaits us. So, to keep things moving light and free, it's important to know that the only thing that you should carry with you from the past is the lesson(s), not the pain. Because, ultimately, there's no such thing as losing only a lesson(s) to be had. In that, WE WIN SOME, AND WE LEARN SOME, not win some and lose some as it's been long and often said.
With that, I want to share with you seven stages of grief, so that you can finally let go of what's hurting you . And, to `GET YOUR HAPPY BACK AND MAINTAiN IT`, the below grief relieving mindfulness strategies are those that are important to practice on a daily basis from this day forward until you are healed and whole again:
STAGE #1: DENIAL
The first step to healing from any pain associated loss or disappointment is to acknowledge it. Denying it will only distort your perception and keep you stuck in the agony of it all, which leads to the development of bitterness. Remember, whatever unpleasantries of life you've experienced or is experiencing, letting it linger or fester will only make it more intensified as time goes on. So, it's best not to be in denial about it instead acknowledge it so that you can face it and then take steps to heal from it.
STAGE #2: ANGER
There's a period of anger that is reached when you fail to acknowledge and forgive a painful experience and the people that contributed to it, including yourself. So, to heal from anger, it's to your best interest to forgive the situation and the parties involved entirely and as quickly as possible. Holding on to anger is harmful to your health and psychological state of being. It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die so to speak. So, the question to ask yourself in order to let go of anger is what is this experience trying to teach me? In essence, what lesson(s) am I suppose to receive from it all? And, be open to that receiving. The goal is to be better, not bitter.
STAGE #3: BARGAINING
The truth is, you cannot bargain your way out of grief. In that, you cannot heal from grief by negotiating it with revenge or by over-indulging in sex, food, alcohol and/or drugs. Those are temporary and illusionary fixes that wear off as the high of it fades. To elaborate, revenge is not the answer to grief neither are your over-indulgences . Those are cover stories to hide your grief or pain, but they are certainly by no means a permanent solution in order to permanently heal from what's hurting you. Moreover, you're not going to feel any better by hurting others. The only result from that is corruption of the heart, mind and soul - a clouded perception, a hardened heart, and sinister approach to life. So, it's best to face your grief, see it for what it is - a lesson and take the necessary steps to heal from it in order to move forward.
STAGE #4: SUBSTITUTION
A great way to help you heal from grief is to substitute it with doing the things that you love. Whether that's painting, writing, taking a walk out in nature, reading, or helping someone in need, it's certainly a healthier approach than over-indulging in temporary fixes as described in stage 3. Not only that, but the joy of subsitition is that it can ultimately lead you to your purpose. It helps you find yourself in the middle of chaos and pain. So, start doing in knowing that when you apply mind over matter, you are sure to have happier, less painful days than not. Remember, what you focus on gets bigger. Therefore, do your best not to focus so much on the pain at hand. Instead, choose to do what you love and keep your mind over the matter.
STAGE #5: DEPRESSION
Failure to acknowledge your grief and/or trading it with over-indulgences of sex, food, drugs or alcohols are quick paths to depression. And, depression is a result of isolating yourself and trying to deal with your grief on your own. Therefore, it's best to understand the importance of reaching out to a trusted friend or family member whom you can confide in. Going-it-alone when you're feeling down will only cause you to overthink at times, creating problems where there is none. and in doing so, a new set of pain is manifested and that wlll thrust you deeper into darkness and give rise to thoughts of extremeties, like self-harm or revenge. So, talking it out is the best way to keep your sanity so that you have the mental clarity to overcome.
STAGE #6: IDENTIFICATION
Identifying your grief breaks it down into smaller segments and thus make it more manageable and put it into clear perspectives. So, here's the question: is your grief one of (1.) maturation (a sense of gaining maturity, responsibility), (2.) physical (a material or tangible loss of a person, body part(s) or thing), (3.) situational (letting go of your comfort zone or a benefit that has ended or lack thereof or you are facing a difficult position in life), (4.) actual (a real and/or total unjustfiable loss), (5.) perceived (what you think, not what is), and (6.) deprivation (a right was violated or freedom taken away from you in order to meet your daily needs, etc)? Thus, breaking down and identifying your grief will give you the leverage to tackle them individually, see it as it is and thus move you closer to resolving it. Remember, take small steps each day so that you don't overwhelm or exahaust yourself, which results in overthinking that leads to a slew of other issues as described herein and otherwise.
STAGE #7: ACCEPTANCE
Acceptance happens when you begin to see a situation or a person for what it is, not as you are. Because, as you are at tmes is not what is. To expound, one tends to associate their perception of people and life via their level of consciousness (self-development) and according to the painful emotions they are presently experiencing, which can be a distortion of the truth (what is). Pain often times clouds our perception if we aren't mindful of it. We then tend to overthink and thus over-indulge. So, to overcome, one cannot go against what-is. We must go with the flow of it by accepting it for what it is. In doing so, your struggle suddenly becomes triumph. To note, accepting a situation or someone for what it or he or she is not a way of saying that what has happened is ok. It's a way of seeing it for what it is - a lesson, so that you can let go and move beyond it - that's how winning is done. In that, you cannot change what happened, but you can change your perception of it, accept it for what it is and become more by letting go and moving on.
As always, my aim is to help you `GET YOUR HAPPY BACK AND MAINTAIN IT`.
With love,
Sanyo